


What if

by androgynousclintbarton



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-30
Updated: 2019-08-30
Packaged: 2020-09-30 12:30:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20447201
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/androgynousclintbarton/pseuds/androgynousclintbarton
Summary: What if the third hokage had granted Gai's request to join Anbu?How would Kakashi react to such news?





	What if

Everything hurt. His neck, his arms, his legs. There was no escape from the pain, but he couldn't stop moving yet.

He needed to get to Gai. He needed to feel that heartbeat once more, hear that tender voice. He couldn't give up. He had to keep moving.

Everyone stopped when he stepped into the village, all eyes on him. Why did they always look at him? What had he done to earn their admiration, their fear? 

He gave his head a shake. Gai, he needed to find Gai. He was safe with gai, protected. He could relax once he had found the other man. 

He had to keep moving.

"Kakashi!" He ignored the call for his attention, his feet continuing to move even as Asuma appeared at his side and slapped a hand down on his shoulder "Kakashi, you look like hell. Let me get you to the hospital…"

He slapped the hand away. He didn't want to go to the hospital, it wasn't where he belonged

Besides, what would they do? Sure, they could heal his physical wounds, but nothing else. No, that wasn't where he needed to be at all.

"Kakashi…" Asuma stuck by his side, not daring to touch him again but keeping himself close just in case. He didn't understand why the man cared. Didn't he have better things to do? A girlfriend to hang out with. "This way,"

Kakashi readied himself for a fight when Asuma grabbed his arm. He didn't want the hospital, wasn't that clear? He needed Gai.

"Relax." He looked up at the other man, sighing when he saw that stupid smile on his face "i'll take you to Gai."

His entire body slumped. Finally, someone who wasn't going to force him to the hospital, though Asuma was probably expecting Gai to do it for him.

He followed the other man easily, zig zagging through the streets of Konoha in search of the Green Beast. He couldn't wait to feel those strong arms around him, or to smell that familiar scent that always came off of Gai after a hard training session. He wanted nothing more.

Damn it. 

He gave his head another shake. Those thoughts were supposed to be gone, Gai was his friend and nothing more. He could never be more. Not if Kakashi wanted him to stay safe and alive.

"Here we are." He looked up, shocked that they had arrived at their destination already. How fast had they been moving? "Oy! Gai!" 

Short black hair flew in every direction when the other Jonin turned around, a smile cracking across his face when he saw Kakashi, and disappearing just as fast when he saw all of the blood that covered his body.

He didn't need a lecture, he needed Gai.

"Rival!" Gai appeared in front of him in a second, faster than ever. He had been training while Kakashi was gone, of course he had. "What are you doing here? You should be in the hospital." 

"Screw the hospital." he grumbled, tugging his arm free from Asuma's grasp and immediately wrapping them around Gai's neck. He ignored the way the other man stiffened, his body only relaxing once he had visually cataloged all of Kakashi's visible injuries. 

"You're pushing yourself too hard again." He could tell that Gai was trying to be stern, to make him understand that he needed to stop over doing himself so much, but all he heard was the worry. The concern that one day, he would push himself too far. That he wouldn't come home. 

It was ok though. As long as Gai was safe and healthy it didn't matter what happened to him. 

"You going to tell him?" He glared over at Asuma. He didn't actually mind the other man's company, even considering him one of the select few friends he had in the village. Problem was, he didn't exactly want to share Gai's attention right now. 

Wait...what had Asuma said?

"Tell me what?" He turned his good eye towards Gai, watching as the green clad Jonin put a hand in his hair and turned his eyes away from him.

Gai never refused to meet his gaze…

Now he was angry "tell me what, Gai?" He growled, watching the other man carefully "what did you do?"

"It's nothing bad Kakashi, relax." Gai protested, finally looking back over at him "Asuma just doesn't think you'll like the news" 

"Because he won't." Asuma stated firmly "you know as well as I do that he won't, that's why you didn't tell him as soon as you saw him." 

"He's inured!" Kakashi shook his head. No, Gai wouldn't let his injuries distract from telling him good news. He's be too excited.

This was bad news…

"Tell me." He hissed, pushing himself away from the other man "what did you do!?"

"It is good." Gai argued, stomping his foot down firmly to show that he wouldn't back down. "I can protect you this way. You won't be alone." 

That was the last thing Kakashi needed to hear.

His hands snapped out, grabbing the front of his friends uniform and pulling him close, anger burning his eyes "what...did you do?" He asked, his voice and anger making it clear that this was the last time he was going to ask. He could find out what had happened whether Gai told him or not, he always found out what he needed to know. But he wanted to hear it from Gai. He wanted to know what Gai thought was so smart, so brave…

Gai just shrugged his shoulders, diverting his eyes once more. He was afraid to tell him.

Kakashi couldn't have that. Gai was his best friend, his only line to life. He wanted him to tell him everything, to never hide from him.

He released his grip on the other man's uniform, dropping his hands to his side. "Gai…" his voice was weak now, broken, but Gai finally met his eye once more "please tell me."

Gai gave his head a shake "Lord Third finally granted my request." He admitted. 

Request?

Kakashi wasn't aware Gai had made any requests to the Hokage.

After a moment of silence, Gai relented. "He let me Join the Anbu. He even said if i prove myself he'll team us up." 

Kakashi's ears were ringing.

He had to have misheard, there was no way…

Gai couldn't be Anbu, he wasn't allowed to be Anbu.

"Kakashi." His friend grabbed his shoulders and got as close as possible, their noses touching as they stared at each other. "This is good. I can be by your side when we fight."

"No!" He shoved his hands out, sending Gai flying. He recovered quickly, but the point was made. "No! You're not Anbu material!"

Gai got into a defensive position. He had seen what Kakashi could be like when he was angry, and if he had to knock his friend out he would. If kakashi flipped shit, he could get in trouble, he could even be Banished if Gai let him do too much damage to the village. 

Still, the words stung. He had heard that for the past year, every time he spoke to the hokage, and he had trained and trained and trained to try to prove him wrong. To show that he WAS Anbu material.

For some reason it stung more coming from Kakashi.

"I'll show you that you're wrong." He growled "I'll fight you to prove how strong I am!"

Instead of charging at Gai, Kakashi just dropped his shoulders and looked at his friend with sadness. 

"You're not Anbu material because you're good." Kakashi corrected himself "I'd never doubt your strength Gai, i haven't for years."

Gai dropped his guard, his mouth slightly ajar as he looked at his friend in shock.

He gave his head a shake to clear his mind. That wasn't a good answer. "What does being good have to do with joining Anbu?" He demanded "you're a part of Anbu!"

"I'm not good." Kakashi whispered "everyone knows it, everyone repeats it every day when I can hear them! I'm a murderer! The killer of my own teammate. How can Cold Blooded Kakashi be good!?" Gai didn't understand. Why would Kakashi ever believe those people?

"Their wrong." He said firmly "just like they are wrong about me! Just like they were wrong about your father and mine!" 

Kakashi's face softened at the mention of his father, but Gai could still see the sorrow in his eye. 

"Anbu isn't just about being strong Gai…" he whispered "who cares about skill when you can have suicide fighters? People willing to die with no one knowing, no one missing them." 

"How can you say that!?" Gai snapped. How dare his Rival...his best friend...he wasn't allowed to think he'd never be missed. "Do you honestly believe you would not be missed? That no one would cry if you were to die!? That no one would want to know why or how you died, what a hero you were!?"

"Everyone who's ever cared is dead…" he could see the tears in his friends' eyes. He honestly believed his own words. He thought no one loved him, no one would miss him. "I can't let you be like them. I can't lose you."

His eyes went wide. Kakashi didn't think Gai wouldn't miss him...he was afraid for him. He thought if he let Gai get close, he'd lose him just like he lost everyone else.

"Please, Gai." His voice cracked, sending shivers down Gai's spine. He had never heard Kakashi so upset, so broken. "I can't lose you too. You're the only good thing i have left."

Gai closed the distance between them, wrapping his arms around Kakashi's shoulders and pulling him into a hug. 

"I will leave Anbu." He promised "on one condition."

"Anything…" kakashi's voice is still so broken, so weak. The arrogance and indifference washed away with his tears.

"You quit as well." He watched as Kakashi looked up from the ground, their eyes locking as the silver haired jonin searched his face, looking for any signs of what he was feeling. Why he would say that. "You are important to me. You're my rival, the reason i've trained so hard to get where I am. But you're also my friend. If you were to die and I couldn't see you, if i couldn't say goodbye and know that you died the hero that i know you are...i'd never be able to recover."

"Why?" He reached up, brushing away the tears that ran down his friends cheeks.

"Because you're the first one who stood up for me. For my dad." He smiled "you refused to allow others to insult and belittle us just because they thought they were better. Even when you thought i would never be a great shinobi, you showed more kindness to me than any other." A smile pulled at his face when Kakashi leaned his face against his hand. ""I wanted to join the Anbu to make sure you were safe. To make sure you came home. If you're not in the Anbu, if you get your own team and start working with them...then I won't need to be worried. Not as much, anyways."

Kakashi closed his eyes, his body giving way to exhaustion and emotion and shutting down completely. His body slumped against Gai, leaving his friend with no answer.

Gai would have to get his answer later. He needed to get Kakashi to the hospital. 

* * *

Kakashi's eyes strained to open, the blinding light above him making it even more difficult. Where was he? What had happened?

His heart stopped. He had been with Gai, talking about Anbu. Gai had joined Anbu and Kakashi had passed out...he'd passed out when Gai needed him the most. When Gai needed to hear his answer.

Everything got cold suddenly. His entire body shivered, his chest squeezing as the panic started to set in.

Gai, he had to find Gai. He had to make sure…

He struggled to sit up, bringing a hand up to his chest when the pain increased. Why couldn't he move? why did it hurt so much? He hadn't sustained a bad chest injury, so why did he feel like he couldn't breath?

He looked up when he heard the door to his room opening, the pain releasing from the chest slowly when he saw Gai. It faded into a dull ache, but he was still cold. Why was he cold? 

"You're shivering." Gai appeared by his side in an instant, his hands reaching out and pulling the blanket off kakashi's lap and draping it over his shoulders "relax. It's ok. You're in the hospital, you're safe."

Was that was this was? Gai always said those things when he was panicking, when he couldn't move or breath because every nerve in his body had gone into high alert. 

Gai was always the one to calm him down. If he wasn't there, kakashi usually passed out. 

"Yes…" the word is weak, even broken. Kakashi doesn't know how much strength he has, but its definitely not enough to speak. 

"What are you talking about?" Gai frowned at him, his hands still sitting on kakashi's shoulders, keeping the blanket in place and allowing kakashi to pull it tighter to himself. 

"Yes." He repeated himself "yes, i...i'll quit. I do quit. If it means keeping you out of Anbu, keeping you safe and alive and sane ...then I'll quit."

Gai looked at him as if he had just proposed. There was that stupid dorky smile that Kakashi loved so much plastered on his face, and his eyes were almost sparkling with happieness.

If he didn't know this was a normal look for Gai, he'd almost think he was sick. 

"Then it's settled." Gai smiled, tugging his friend right up against his chest into a strong hug. "Once you're released from the hospital we will both talk to Lord third about our decision."

Kakashi nodded, his body relaxing into the grip that Gai had him in. He could feel it, all of it. The warmth, the security...the love.

How long had it been? How long had Gai felt the same way about him? He wanted the answer to all of those questions and more, but now wasn't the time.

Now, all he wanted to do was close his eyes and sleep, those arm's still holding him tight and that soft voice still speaking to him as everything started to go dark again. 


End file.
